Another Sunday

I drove south for a few hours with my sister and aunt for my niece's confirmation. I saw my roommate from college that I dearly love. I laughed a lot this weekend. I finished planting my flowers. All good stuff.... My Mom came over for just a few minutes to see my friend, but didn't come in. The heat, the steps-it was just too much for her. It took my breath away. I feel like we are waiting for the axe to fall. She should get a diagnosis this week. I know in my heart it is bad, maybe the worst. I keep looking for courage and strength, but I feel that I am lacking. I cry and cry. I am filled with such a deep sadness. It seems to me that it is never ending. I think that I will be changed and won't recognize who I am anymore. What kind of mother will I be without her to guide me? I am filled with fear right now which I have heard is an absence of faith. I have faith, but feel that I am stumbling in the dark right now. I have been in the dark before. I know the light is there and I will be able to see again.